So, I was hanging out with my girlfriend. I got off work, put two xanaxes underneath my tongue, did a shot of morphine, and proceeded to chug Steel Reserve and chainsmoke cigarettes. I don't know what the fucking hell was going on. I hadn't gotten much more than three hours of sleep in the past week.

"So, how was the beach yesterday?"

"This is making me really concerned, Tomatoes. I never went to the beach. I went to my uncle's funeral."

"Why did they have his funeral at the beach?"

"They didn't. It was at the graveyard. What's wrong with you?"

"I think they didn't give us back our deposit at the hotel we stayed at out by the Salton Sea."

"We never went there."

"No, yes, we did, there were floursecent lights. I made sweet love to you on a gross bed."

"I'm growing concerned with you."

"How was the beach the other day?"

"I haven't been to the beach in years."

"Didn't your aunt have her ovaries taken out?"

"Yeah, that's where I was yesterday while you were at work."

"Fucking god damn Xa bullshit steering knuckle blot nut camber bullshit."

"Tomatoes?, . . . "

"Yes?, . . . "

"How old are you?"

"34."

"You're not. You're 32." I had no idea.

Suffice it to say, I am no longer with girlfriend.

So, if anybody wants to fuck me, give me a call 323gofag15. female only.