Do you feel like your whole life is upside down? Do you sometimes feel like the entire universe could just come to a complete halt at any second and it just wouldn't matter? Well, you have come to the right place. Allow Tomatoes to make everything OK once again. After the correct implementation of the Ask Tomatoes Advice column, you will be as spiritually light-hearted as a four-year-old on the playground. You'll feel as physically invincible as the highest mountain made of the strongest stone. Your mind will feel as sharp as any knife you could find on any kitchen in any world you could possibly imagine. Possibly even this one that we're in this very second!!!!!! Here's what just a few people have to say about the Ask Tomatoes advice column: "Before discovering the Ask Tomatoes advice column, I was a cock-sucking asshole. Now, I actually get paid for it! And the best part is it's all from the comfort of my own home! -James H. Glendora, CA "My life was going nowhere. I had never even left my hometown of Montebello. Why, just the other day, I went to this 7-11 in Pico Rivera. It was a wild adventure. I mixed Cheetos and Doritos in the same bag! I really wouldn't have been able to do it without you, Tomatoes." -Huelosa G. Montebello, CA "I used to have a happy, healthy marriage and two wonderful little twin boys all my own. Then, I started consulting the Ask Tomatoes advice column. They're all dead now. Thanks Tomatoes!" -Martha S. Pelican Bay, CA So, whether you have questions regarding Finances, Love, Work, Problems with Drugs or Alcohol, or anything else, simply confide in Tomatoes, and all your worries will melt away or triple your money back. SERIOUS QUESTIONS ONLY!!!!! Send pleas for help to questions@spilltheblood.com. Or rifle through the archives at www.spilltheblood.com