the last band I was in, we recorded a bunch of our music, and I was the singer. I never realized the way I talk. That's the way I talk? I sound like a surfer or something. I had no idea I talk like that. Maybe that's why people are always calling me dude. Do I talk like that from living in southern California for the past ten years or did I always talk like that? Is there any hope for me? Maybe if I move away, at some point I can lose that shit. I've been listening to a lot of old punk, and they sound like that. Maybe all the punk rock I listened to in middle school stuck in my head. But, the funny part is the way they sing, it's comforting to me. I'm listening to "my" music right now, and it gives me such a warm feeling inside. There's this band. You've probably heard them or at least heard of them: the Dirty Rotten Imbeciles. And they're from Houston like me, but the singer totally sings in a surfer voice. They rectified themselves by moving to California decades ago, but even the shit that they put out while still in Texas, they sound like skaters. I was a skater. That's where the Puree in Puree Tomatoes comes from. I was so bad, and so wreckless, and so masochistic, that I was literally pureeing the tomatoes. I wore an army jacket so totally blood stained from all my falls. I refused to have it washed and refused to bathe. Girls liked me. They would "practice" kissing on me, but they would always be disgusted by how bad I smelt. "Well, if you don't like it, go find a boy your own age to make out with," I would tell them. They thought I was kidding. I plan to write a book about it. It's going to be called Tomatoes at 10. I'm editing my first book right now. I wrote this shit so long ago that I feel like I'm editing somebody else's book. And now, I know exactly what I did wrong. I can fix it, but Tomatoes at ..10, I'm going to write it without any need for editing. Just for spelling and grammar. Just to make it just a bit easier to read. I just want to write shit that's fun to read. After I'm done writing all the autobiographical shit, I'm going to start writing fake autobiographies. I want to write Dave Clardy's autobiography. He's one of my best friends. I think his life might possibly be even more interesting and funny than my own. I'm just going to write it as a collection of short stories.