and ponder on how much you've been acting like an asshole. I am so completely burnt out. I have a mortal fear of tree roaches. And I've overcome it. Don't drink Steel Reserve. The Tomatoes crack. Don't even take a sip. You might like it too much. I really really like it. It's delicious. It scratches every itch. And then, sends you a hospital bill for 20,000 dollars. Nothing in life is free: the stupidest but most poignant cliche on the face of the planet. You're gonna end up paying for all this shit. Everything in life has negative side effects. And, you know what I'm talking about. Pay your library fines, and always remember, never forget: about your friends. About stuff that makes you happy. the first kiss, the first beer of the day. Hanging out at the park. Dungeons and Dragons. shooting up drugs. Spend every last dime abusing drugs. Show up to work on time. If you're drunk and on meth, show up half an hour early and eat something. If anybody comments on you being drunk or track marks, suggest that they fire you. Live where you want to. When it's overcast, make it a point to walk around outside. Be friendly to strangers. Be hospitable to people from out of town. And, always remember; sometimes, it's better to admire her from a distance. If she introduces herself to you, act totally stupid. Tell her a fake name, and make it a point to lie about everything. Tell her your phone number is 323-765-4321. She'll like you even more. And then, never go back to that place you met her. STAY AWAY. When your ex-girlfriend sends you an e-mail with that in the subject line, pay attention. She has a point. Go to the Echo Park Cribbage Club. Don't go in bathroom number 2. There was a terrible mess in there. A pile of clothes, and medical devices, and shit smeared all over everything. I'm so haunted by that, I'll probably never go to that bathroom again. Take a moment to appreciate punctual drug-dealers. Encourage people to leave LA. How could that possibly be OK? This place. Sometimes, I feel like I'm in a train station. Everybody's coming and going. It makes me so sad, knowing they'll never find what they're looking for. Just remember, humans are at nature, totally lame. Eat something at least once a day. And, I'm sorry to have to remind you people of this, but beer does not count. And I will repeat, DOES NOT count in case there was any confusion. And, I know it makes you sad that your ex-girlfriend doesn't acknowledge your existence, but don't worry. Call your mother. She's the only one that needs to be worried. No matter how much you attempt to convince her otherwise. Spend the last days of your life pouring over Dungeons and Dragons books and playing it too. Bring chips. Buy a TV and watch every single Doctor Who ever made. Throw out everything else. Drink until double vision, and then ride your bike as fast as you possibly can. Keep in mind, men and women are inherently different and completely the same all at the same time. We all want the same things. We just take completely different routes. Often with double vision.