there's this woman at my work that I have a crush on. Anytime she talks to me, I nearly keel over and die. I can't think straight for hours afterwards and have trouble breathing. I was drinking beer with her the other day and was so fucked in the head for weeks. So, anyways, she comes into my stall and tells me that there's a mandatory 401k meeting that I have to attend. Immediately, I could hear the screaming in my brain. My heart was beating so hard, the vibrations were coming from my body down into the concrete and over into her's causing her to visibly sway. I knew right then and there if I was to go to this "401k" meeting, I would dump the table over and eject myself from the situation.  Most notably by screaming and yelling. All those feelings of guilt and shame that keep me up at night pouring out of me publicly. And I don't have any need for the 401k. If I was ever eligible for that, i would never redeem those benefits. It would be a subsequently quiet matter involving nobody but me, myself, and a hundred dollar shot of heroin, and paramedics, and somebody to remove all my shit and discover my porno collection, and think to themselves, "Damn, Tomatoes was a pervert."