The SEX Blog! Ha! I knew that would get your attention, but it wasn't necessarily misleading. This blog is in fact about sex, but it doesn't necessarily have any sort of positive message behind it. I'll start it off with something that I wrote (by hand) while taking a plane from LA to Austin about a week ago: on a plane from Burbank to Dallas I'm burnt out on my own libido. Fuck, I'm on a plane going to Texas and I'm getting so damn burnt out on my own libido. There's this stewardess on here, and I'm not the least bit attracted to her and yet I am. She's wearing black panny hose and she has just her bangs tied in a pony tail behind her head. Just by the look in her eyes, I could tell I would hate her if I got to know her, and yet, deep down inside, I want to fuck her. If you are female and you are reading this, I'ld like to inform you of something. You may already know this, but it needs to be said anyway: If a man wants to fuck you, it should in no way be mistaken as a sign that he has even the slightest shred of respect for you or himself or anybody. It could even mean the opposite really. You probably already know this, I don't know, I'm not exactly sure because I'm sort of perplexed by female sexuality. I'm close to giving up completely on trying to understand it. I have this theory that a lot of women need to have respect for a man to want to fuck him. Women, it seems to me, look for accomplishments in their mates whereas most men only care about looks. It's one of the many aspects of sexism that works in the favor of men: it's more expected of us to have a drive to want to accomplish things in life rather than to be just simply good looking. I know a lot of this is totally obvious, but it's nice to get it down on paper. Some women, if good looking enough, are completely satisfied to just get together with a successful man and live vicariously through him. If this theory seems sexist to you, please don't hesitate to let me know. All of the views expressed in my blog are eternally up for review. But back to my libido, I'm fucking sick of it! I want it to fuck off and die!!!!!!! Now, you may judge me for what I'm about to say, and if you choose to do so, go ahead and do it because I don't give a fuck anymore what people think about me due to my words. I'm through worrying about what I should or should not say! There is no such thing anymore of an inappropriate statement. Well, it's not like I'm going around with a bullhorn yelling at people on the street. It was your choice to read my blog, so it doesn't matter if I'm totally honest because if I wasn't, what would be the point of me writing all of this in the first place? So, anyway back to my story, while I was waiting in the security checkout line in the Burbank airport, there was this young woman standing a couple of places in front of me in line. She was with this man that was probably her father. She was wearing a shirt to where you could see her waist and her skin was so pale and smooth, and then she was wearing these tight jeans where you could totally see the shape of her butt really well, and then just a little bit of her pannies were sticking out and they were pink and I couldn't stop staring. I wasn't necessarily thinking about anything explicitly sexual. I didn't need to; just the sight of her was arousing enough and that's when I started feeling bad about myself. There was a whole rainbow assortment of the different forms of guilt that I was experiencing. First of all, I couldn't tell how old she was. She could've easily've been eighteen or older, but it was possible that she was seventeen. I've never really been good at guessing people's age. I never used to care. But, anyway, why was I so worried about her age? I wasn't doing anything to her. I wasn't even imagining fucking her or anything. I was just looking, but still, it makes me feel like a fucking pedophile. I feel like shit about myself for it. Still right now, on the plane, I just feel like a worthless piece of shit. Also, it makes me feel like maybe I was being disrespectful to that man for staring at his daughter's ass right in front of him. Why does my libido control me so much? I mean, I try to give into it as often as possible, and still it consumes me. It rules me. And I know it's not uncommon in the slightest. I think almost all guys are like that. It's just that it doesn't bother them. At an early age most of them come to the conclusion that it's just a part of them and they live with it and even enjoy it. Maybe all guys go through the feelings that I'm having right now, . . . it's just that it usually probably happens when they're teenagers. I'm already 28 for christ's sake! My mission in life besides being happy and independent is to dedicate myself to creative pursuits and staring at some girl's ass in an airport just seems like the opposite of that. It's not like I'm ever going to fuck her and even if I did, I'm 100% sure that I'ld continue to stare at women's asses in airports all across the country way after that. It wouldn't cure me is what I'm trying to say. I can't understand what the point of all of this is. It's not like I plan on having kids or anything. I mean that is the real point of having sex right? The propagation of our species? But, I don't want to propagate humans. I hate humans. I'ld like to see them go extinct. So, I'm confused. It's not the sex act itself that I'm sick of. It's just the position that it holds in my mind that I'ld like to have control over. Well, maybe that's not worded right. What I mean to say is that I'ld like it to not have any control over me. In a way though, it really helps me to understand why men try so hard to control women: (including myself at times, especially in the past): It's because women already have so much control over us. It's just the way our reproductive systems are set up. I'm sure society plays some part in it too. Many factors of course. Too many to think of them all. But one thing's for sure, everything, that a moderately sane heterosexual man does, he does for one or more of these reasons: 1) it makes him feel comfortable 2) it feeds his ego 3) it aids in his survival 4) it helps to pass the time, and most importantly: 5) HE THINKS THAT IT WILL IMPRESS WOMEN which it sometimes does. My theory used to be that EVERYTHING that men do, they do to impress women, but I had to change this theory once while sitting in my room and watching tv by myself realizing that I definitely didn't think I was impressing women by doing that, so there had to be other motivations in life besides impressing women. Of course this theory is open to criticism, so please feel free to write a comment suggesting any other reasons you might think of. I think I have them all covered though. But, anyway it seems to me that women don't really understand the full extent that they rule our motives for doing everything that we do. Of course, though it's true, as I said before, that I don't really understand what goes through women's heads. Maybe I don't wanna know anyway. But, maybe it's all way more simpler than it seems. It's probably not too different from the way men think. We're humans after all and therefore we all suck. suck big time. The stupidest thing that ever happened to the planet earth: the homo sapien. So, in conclusion, I'ld like to say that there's advantages and disadvantages to both sexes and probably all of us are a little bit fucked in the head sexually to some degree or another, so I should stop fretting. Well, that's all that I wrote on the plane. I'm not sure if I still totally agree with everything that I wrote. I more or less do. There's another experience that I had that might shed some more light on this part of myself. The other day, my mind was especially active all day while I was working. Mostly with ideas of stuff that I wanted to write that evening in my book once I got home. I wanted to go straight home, sit at my typewriter, crack open my first beer of the day, and let all that shit flow out on paper, but it was payday, so I had to go to the bank and wait in line to deposit the check. A couple of places in line ahead of me, yet again there was this young woman. When I first saw her, she was looking straight at me, and she had the cutest smile on her face. I scowled at her because I didn't know what else to do. But after that, I couldn't stop thinking about her. For the twenty minutes that I waited in line, all I could think about was her. All of my ideas and motivation for writing in my book went down the drain. I waited in that line for a good twenty minutes and I couldn't even think straight at all again for a few hours. She had glasses and black hair and a unique style. This wasn't purely sexual. She just seemed really intriguing I guess is the way I should put it. But anyway. it was like she threw a psychic brick at my head and I turned into a semi-lobotomistic state where writing and just thinking in general were made impossible. It was really fucked let me tell you. Well, I have lots more shit about sex that I'ld like to write about, but I've been sitting on this damn thing for like two weeks, so I'm going to go ahead and post this blog. So, I hope you don't think I'm a creep after reading this, but if you do, I don't fucking care. Who knows maybe I am a creep, so fucking what?