but still, if you're anything like me, the second anybody of the opposite sex shows any interest in you, at least twenty concrete assumptions flash into your mind. Number one on my list: 1. She doesn't ever look around for a lighter or matches. She always lights her cigarettes off the stove. Because she always knows where that is. The stove rarely moves. Wait, hold on. I'm talking about myself. Okie Dokie, as my new drug dealer likes to say, the real number one, or maybe it's just number two: 2. She always forgets to turn the stove off. Speaking of my new drug dealer, I love this guy. I had a half hour conversation with him in Spanish, and then, he asked me if I really spoke Spanish. "Te estoy hablando en Espanyol." "Okie dokie, just making sure." "OK, de me un viente de piedra, un viente de crystal, cuarenta de chiva, esa pastilla por su puesto, Oxycontin, y un viente de Ketamina." 3. She probably smokes lots of marijuana, and at some point, it's going to annoy you. I think my downstairs neighbor died on the toilet. That's my theory, and Tookie seems to agree with that said theory. It's that stink in the bathroom. Something rotten, and we washed the towels, scrubbed it down, and everything. It smells terrible, and you can't leave the door open or the whole apartment smells like that. There's this guy that lives in the building. He's very friendly, and he's in these plays or something, and he's been promoting them like crazy. I can't do that. Sit in a room with a bunch of people, and stare at other people. It makes my brain want to jump off a bridge. 4. She's going to go into your apartment, and think it creepy the smell in the bathroom, the fact that you have four fans on in the middle of the winter, the fact that you sleep on the floor, and live with your ex-girlfriend. You know what? I'm going to stop right there. To list all of the things creepy about me, god damn it. So, he taped invitations to his play on everybody's door. "Experience an Unforgettable Night with Original Music Featuring Stories of Survival and Hope." I'm not trying to make fun of him. I like it when people are creative in whatever form they choose. I just never ever ever ever want to "Experience an Unforgettable Night with Original Music Featuring Stories of Survival and Hope." Count me out. I'ld rather be in court. But, industry comps are available. I'm not sure what that means. You get free stuff if you're an actor too. 5. She's even more horny than you. So, my downstairs neighbor never took off the taped invitation to Experience an Unforgettable Night with Original Music Featuring Stories of Survival and Hope. So, either he hasn't been home or he died. And he's sitting in there on the toilet, the aroma rising up into my own. not necessarily through the toilets. The vents or whatever, FUCK! This is my 101st blog entry. I don't even like it. 6. She's going to be offended by your blog at some point. I went to the library the other day and randomly picked out books. I just read a comic book book, Black Hole by Charles Burns. I just read it for fun, and at first, it seemed really corny, but by the time I was done with it, it cut a piece out of my heart that I'll probably never get back. Other people's pain hurts me even more than my own. Even when those people are fictional characters. Even in a comic book. 7. She's going to want you to say absolutely nothing. And, then I started on this other book, "The Last Book In The Universe" Oh my fucking god! Stupendous! It's fantastic! I think it's meant for little kids. You could probably read it in one night. I never do that though. I really like to savor it. The more I like it, the more I don't want it to end. You can always read it again, but it's never the same as the first time. ever ever ever.